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tv   midnight With Chris Hardwick  Comedy Central  July 23, 2016 12:01am-12:32am PDT

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fthen they're sweet.. sour patch kids. sour. sweet. gone. it's gum!
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[cheers and applause] >> larry: alright. thanks to my panelists, ricky velez, francesca ramsey, nina turner, and special thanks to qg and nipsey hustle. captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh >> chris: it's 11:59 and 59 seconds. this happened on facebook! in the pantheon of baffling internet celebrities, fewer are more baffling than dr. pimple popper, a foxy dermatologist who posts hot 'n' nasty videos of bursting pimples, cysts and blackheads that are of interest to two groups: other dermatologists and really,
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really specific masturbators. because once you go blackhead, you never go back-head. i'm sorry. i had to say that. [cheers and applause] guys who draw erotic video game fan art are like, "come on, man, you're into pus? >> chris: fine, i have to draw a wario giving it to a pregnant sonic the hedgehog." she's so popular that a local bakery sent over some appropriately-themed cupcakes! get ready. comedians, what would have rather watched than that video? paul? >> any claire dropping loads at the sperm bank. [laughing] >> chris: kneel. >> prehensive go pro footage of
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the busiest hooker at the rnc. >> chris: points. hra *u[ applause ] >> chris: milana. >> rather watch a baby squirrel flung directly into on-coming traffic. >> chris: very honest. >> owe. chris: it's time to burst this pimple we call "@midnight." [cheers and applause] >> chris: welcome to @midnight. i'm chris hardwick. chris hardwick, what's up with your tie. i'm glad you asked. this is a chain mail tie. we're taping this show a couple of days in advance. this is smack dab we're in comic con now. young "@midnight" fan jen said she's sending a chain mail time. i said i'm wearing it during
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comic con. thank you. to celebrate our holiest of holy days. tonight, we have the director and two co-stars of "ghostbusters" in theaters now. director and co-writer, it's paul feig. [cheers and applause] >> thank you. >> chris: he plays rowan, it's neil casey. [cheers and applause] >> chris: she plays subway rat woman, it's milana vayntrub. [cheers and applause] >> chris: let's start the program. ripped from today's internet headlines, it's "rapid refresh." here's a list of things we found in your search history. don't worry, we left out the one about you-know-what. first up, "an alternative to ghostbussing." earlier this month, lyft had a
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ghost mode that allowed you to be picked up in an ecto-1 from normally, ghost mode is reserved for tinder after a [no audio] date, but not anymore. now you can ride in the kick-ass car from the movie while making awkward small talk with your driver about their acting career. comedians, you're all ghostbusting experts; what's something you might hear from a lyft driver in an ecto-1? nilana? >> who you going to call. get it like the movie. please don't le let it be uber. i need this lyft. [ applause ] >> chris: kneel casey. >> sometimes i feel like this car is haunted. i feel like everything is haunted after i smoke this much pot. >> chris: alright. points. paul fieg. >> thank you for ruining my childhood, asshole. [laughing] >> and to be clear they only say that to me. [ applause ] >> chris: points. [cheers and applause]
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>> chris: next, "pranking dead." people are eagerly awaiting to find out who dies on the season premiere of "walking dead." i, for one, am hoping it's the host of "talking dead." but, the cast is keeping busy! case in point: female heartbreaker and zombie skullbreaker, norman reedus-- a.k.a. daryl dixon-- posted a video on instagram of him pulling what prank on andrew lincoln-- putting a. [no audio]-load of glitter in his car's air conditioner or shaving a dick and balls into his back hair? >> i'm going for dick and balls. [cheers and applause] >> great answer. >> the answer to the question is actually the first one. >> chris: okay. good. the correct question is in fact the first one. take a look. [laughing] >> how in did you [beep] put in here.
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[laughing] [ applause ] >> chris: ya. you can't [beep] around with glitter that never goes -- that's clown herpeses. that's never going away. next up yum in the pink. for decades, nintendo's pink puffball, kirby, has been delighting fans by sucking enemies into his gaping mouth and absorbing their powers. well, now you can pop him in your mouth! relax, pervos, i'm not talking about a new v.r. [no audio] game; i'm talking about kirby food! they're coming to japan with food and drink based around the video i con. fun fact: kirby was named after john kirby, nintendo's lawyer back in the 1980s. and mario was named after mario seagle, who was the landlord of nintendo of america's corporate offices. clearly an italian stereotype. hey, i want to get to the wrench. it's me, mario.
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i come back and fix your toilet. you keep it clogged. [laughing] >> chris: i'll be there noon. the gorilla kidnapped my girlfriend. [laughing] >> chris: alright. since nintendo has a history of naming fictional characters after actual people, what's another video game character that you think has a real world origin? milana. >> link from zelda. he's named after the emotional think i could never have with another human. >> chris: points. >> points. [ applause ] >> chris: neil. >> pikachu is named after a serial life killer, peek-at-you. he would electrocute drifters screaming his own name. >> chris: yes, points. paul. >> laura croft is named after a real life archaeologist with
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backaching jugs. >> don't laugh it's a problem. [laughing] >> chris: that is the end of "rapid refresh. it's time for tonight's #hashtagwars. if you're alive, you'll know that comic-con is upon us, which comic-con is great because it's a place that nerds can just be nerds. so, we get our slave leias, hip-hop stormtroopers, and that weird cosplay that you can't figure out the origin for. that's why, as we celebrate nerd christmas, tonight's hashtag is. #comicconin5words. examples: "trying to [no audio] -- or after-party gets nasty. >> chris hardwick mod prates 300
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panels. >> chris: yes. points. milana. >> what's a comic, reboot. [ applause ] >> chris: neil casey. >> hooked up with least famous ewok. >> chris: milana. >> woke up with chewbacca mom. chris: points. [laughing] >> oh, where is the [beep] comic books. >> chris: points. milana. >> smells bad, smells real bad. chris: points. [laughing] [cheers and applause] >> chris: it's hot. s-d isan diego is hot. milana. >> met incredible hulk from fresno. >> the greatest people in the world. >> chris: nice. [ applause ] >> chris: he's not a played to say it.
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>> chris: that's the end of "hashtag wars." send us your #comicconin5words and tag them @midnight to keep the game going. we'll be right back with more @midnight. congradulations to our tweet of congradulations to our tweet of the day f an oven-baked digiorno? or waiting for delivery? did you have that beard when we ordered? a hot, fresh-baked crust? or? did we order extra soggy? don't settle for delivery. rise to the occasion. it's not delivery. it's digiorno. to have america'seels fastest lte network. ♪ here's how it feels to get fifty percent off most national carrier rates too. ♪ so, imagine how it feels to switch to sprint and buy an iphone 6s and get another one free when you add a second line. plus, try us out for thirty days. if you're not satisfied
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road trip! your current gel antiperspirant wet ais.sticky now, we're going to show you how degree dry spray is different. degree dry spray. degree. it won't let you down. hey, can we get some beers? beer! ice cold beer! what beer? ummmm... redd's apple ale! i'll take one too. me too! hey! redd's apple ale! redd's apple ale. crisp like an apple. brewed like a beer. [cheers and applause] >> chris: welcome back to @midnight. we will be live from san diego tonight and tomorrow night at
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comic con balanc balboa theater. we would love to see you there. we have a lot of guests. check it out on-line for tickets and info. for now it's time to play "trailer trash." [cheers and applause] movies are like people-- most of them [beep] comedians, i'm going to show you some trailers for some bad films, and, for 250 points, i want you to answer a few questions. let's start with a little flick called "2016." >> chris: amazing. >> amazing. [ applause ] >> chris: question when was this made? neil. >> when they taught an adobe after affects class at an insane asylum. >> i have no idea how paul had
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time between spy and -- [laughing] >> chris: points. >> chris: next one, here's the stone cold non-classic "andy and the airwave rangers." >> are you sure you want to do this? >> maybe want to go back. >> a terrible place. [laughing] comedians, where don't you want to go? >> the hair and makeup trailer. chris: points. neil. >> to the single stall office bathroom after the first guy got out of there. >> chris: points. milana? >> scott ba bayo's van. [laughing] >> chris: points. next spinal tap khur
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praise band. >> it's what god wants me to do. they needed a church and a community. i think there is a hope and i think i can fill it. [laughing] >> chris: christian bands are convinced jesus loves [beep] music. that's all i have seen. what should they call their praise band? >> jesus christ make it stop. [laughing] [cheers and applause] >> chris: points. neil casey. >> god's first mistake. chris: points. next one best sound editing nominee after last season. >> often -- they should become neuro surgeons. >> right. >> is that you? >> a weapon, we can do something. >> after last season.
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chris: no [beep] clue. no idea >> chris: what did the director say to get those riveting performances? paul. >> once more but this time with no feeling. >> chris: points. milana. >> you're going to have to yell. nic forgot the god damn bull mic! >> chris: nic. >> chris: that's the end of "trailer trash." it's time for our live challenge q and a holes. this is -- i'm moderating a hot ton of panels. i don't have to tell my friends here from ghost busters there are hardcore fans who know more about your work than you do.
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sometimes the panels can be more nerve racking than silently squeezing out a fart at a job interview. you never know the questions they will ask. i was moderating a panel once. harrison ford was on the panel. he embraces the grump. the guy makes question. i'm very nervous -- what would hans solo say if he met india jones. [laughing] >> chris: harrison ford goes, hello. [laughing] >> chris: who could of predictd that moment? also, reasonable answer. comedians over the break i would like you to come up with the worst question to ask of a comic con panel. we will be right back after the break with more "@midnight." [cheers and applause]
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>> chris: welcome back to @midnight. before the break, i told you about the panel q&as that'll be happening at this weekend's san diego comic-con. i asked you to come up with the worst question you could ask at a comic-con panel. first question from the audience. yes, you. hi, what's your name? >> hi, this question is for anyone on the panel. can i smell your chair. [laughing]
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>> chris: alright. alright. i feel like i have heard that one. [cheers and applause] >> chris: hi, what's your name. >> milana. hi i'm super excited to be here. these young people in amazing costumes. i thought this was the best way for me to tell everyone i'm a registered sex offender. [cheers and applause] [laughing] >> hi i'm a random geek. i wanted to say as good as your movie is it kpaeuld to a new movie "knife fight" made by landis studios. i'm just a random geek. okay. it went well. [cheers and applause]
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>> chris: alright. milana a thousand points. 500 to neil and paul. it's time for "the pop science of sex." dating apps are everywhere these days. there's tinder, grindr, clover, beefer, meatr, carrrrr, finger-rrrrrr, i hardly know-rrrr. and they're all competing with each other for the same hot and horny singles. to stand out, they'll periodically survey their users and publish the results as a juicy, headline-making study like this one: "iphone users have more sex an android user. which i can personally vouch for. or: "people who use emojis have more sex." and finally: "people who love grilled cheese sandwiches have way more sex than those who don't." [laughing] >> chris: can i ask you a question? do you think that's a survey of kraft singles?
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[ applause ] don't know if this is exactly great science, but it sure is greasy. comedians, i want you to give me as many sensationalist dating studies as you can in 60 seconds. milana. >> people great at finding g spots great at finding -- spots. [cheers and applause] >> chris: ya, they know how to eat up. paul. >> anal sex let's you remain a virgin. aka the poop hole loophole. >> chris: points for that. neil casey. >> if the profile is one beautiful girl and one less beautiful girl. it's the beautiful girl. go for it, say i. >> chris: neil casey. >> 90% of men on ashley madison are cheating on th * wives witha aalgorithm. >> pokemon go users less likely to use the ball.
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>> chris: points. milana. >> shocking poll shows men that respect women are likely to be liked by women. >> chris: neil casey, you're in third place, we have to eliminate you. >> thank you for the opportunity. >> chris: thank you, neil casey. nice to see you. [cheers and applause] >> what a guy. >> chris: that means it's time to do it all for the wookiee-- it's "for the win!" [cheers and applause] "the force awakens" is back in the news. huffpo is reporting that j.j. abrams copped to a major error in the movie's trademark opening crawl. >> chris: i know you're upset right now. let's take a look at this humiliating gaffe. ah-ha! [beep] [beep] do you see it? does everyone see this glaring, indefensible error? there are supposed to be commas before and after luke! what the [beep]!
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forget the pure joy i experienced watching a new "star wars" on the big screen; now this movie is worse than a travel mug full of jawa jizz! [laughing] j.j. abrams said, "i think its intention is pretty clear, and i take full responsibility for any punctuation errors." not good enough, j.j.! comedians, over the break, i want you to come up with your own "star wars" opening crawl that'll make fans even more upset. we'll have our comedians' answers and name the winner when we come back on @midnight. [cheers and applause] can i get you guys some beers? redd's apple ale! ♪ [ "stay" by lisa loeb ] redd's apple ale. also for a limited time in blueberry. [ song continues ]
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the for "siglo veinte".equis label are roman numerals spanish for 20th century... but you don't want a spanish lesson, you want news about the next most interesting man in the world. well, don't we all.
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>> chris: welcome back to @midnight. it's time for "for the win." i will wipe your scores clean. wipe, wipe, wipe. i will read your answers aloud, and you the audience will decide the winner. before the break, i told you about the huffington post uncovering a grammatical error in the opening crawl of "star wars: the force awakens." that we're trying to recover from. i asked you come up with your own "star wars" opening crawl that'd anger fans. first one, it is a period of civil war between jar jar winks and his annoying twin brother gar gar winks and they're going to be played by girls. [cheers and applause] >> chris: the internet would be in a tizy.


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